Sometimes, Stepping Away is Necessary
There are two ways to be successful. One is to decrease your expectations. The other is to increase your sacrifice.
The last time I ever spoke with someone very important to me, the final words they said stuck with me. "Nothing begets nothing." I grew up in an environment wrought with just that: nothing. I got so used to doing nothing, being nothing, feeling nothing, that it became part of who I was. Back then, I lived with it like a sickness.
All my life, I've been fighting to become something different. Maybe it was in spite of what I experienced. Through my efforts, I saw I was capable of doing something, being somebody. It didn't come without sacrifice, but I did it.
I've always felt that the only way to do something truly amazing is to let it consume you completely. Not to just work hard, but to work relentlessly. To work so hard that failure is statistically unlikely. To work so hard that others don't understand you.
And so that's what I have done, and who I have become. However, like everyone, I have limits. Despite my need to rage against the machine, to become somebody I wasn't supposed to be, I can't do everything.
There's a fine line between obsession and success. In all regards, Path of Magic has completely consumed me, in a way that even many of the people closest to me don't understand. I don't blame them. Over the last year, I've become someone I hardly recognize. Not necessarily in a bad way, just a way. My work means more to me than anything. Through my effort alone, I've found purpose. I've created something from nothing. I will not let nothingness consume me again.
That's why I'm stepping away. It's also why it's so hard to do so. What I've been doing matters more to me than anything. Under no circumstances can I return to nothingness. Under no circumstances will I accept failure. I'm lucky to be so deeply consumed by something, but everyone needs breaks. Everyone needs time away. I've got other responsibilities. There's more to life.
So I'm stepping away. Doing so means facing my own fears in a way that most people won't understand. Just know that I will never give up, and I'll be back.